Well that's a provocative name for a band, isn't it? I'd first read about Selfish C*** in the Guardian of all things. Anybody who knows me knows that my favoured newspaper is the Sun (cue standard reason: I get it for the football!). I was actually doing some work (???)at Southampton University Freshers Week and there was a free Guardian hand out - SC were in the music review. Without hearing them, I had guessed that they would sound like a cross between Suicide and Carter USM. How wrong was I? Well, to be honest, not too wide of the mark - perhaps not too much Carter, more PIL/Alien Sex Fiend but Suicide was definitely in there!

On arrival at the Joiners I got myself a beer - they were having a problem with the Carling and so I had to settle for Grolsch (and I'd promised myself that I would behave and not drink too much, doh!). After a bit of a wait the first band was on. I blame The White Stripes. There is a definite move toward bands having no bassist. Alice And The Enemies were such a band. They were a bit heavier than the Stripes mind and I found them quite entertaining for all that. A surprising cover of Sabrina's Boys, Boys, Boys was thrown in, and I enjoyed the acoustic waltz number. The female singer was not just a pretty face and played guitar as well, the rest of the band consisted of a drummer and very good lead guitarist. Alice And The Enemies sounded in places a bit like Siouxsie And The Banshees. The last track was entitled Way With Women and was about being rubbish (my word not theirs - they used a stronger one!) at pulling - this came as quite a shock that someone had written a song about me!!!

More Grolsch (oh no, I was beginning to get a taste for it!) and with little warning another band was on stage. Called Dirty Snow, a four piece with a female singer. Said singer was wearing a burberry kilt which would get you metaphorically shot in my household for crimes against fashion. They sounded like a sprinkling of The Fall put in a cocktail heavily made up of Bowwowwow. The singer might also have felt she was the new Iggy Pop in the way that she writhed on the floor of the Joiners. Right, where's the bar?

Now for The Martini Henry Rifles. Apparently a Welsh band (all Welsh bands wear it on the sleeve, don't they?). They consisted of three young lads and a drum machine set at very many bpm. Very Digital Hardcore. I had an overwhelming feeling that I had heard this sort of thing before and for that it felt a little tired. As I like to try and be a little constructive in my criticism, perhaps it would be a good idea to throw a few more danceable beats and basslines in - the Atari Teenage Riot thing probably works a lot better in larger venues. Still, the standard of musicianship was very good.

Have I enough in the sky rocket for another Britney? Of course I have. This is mainly due to the fact that the T-shirts were made for stick insects only! I had to settle for another drink. And then SC were on the stage. I really do have to get a life. For me, the singer Martin Tomlinson, looks like The Mummy in the children's TV series ' I Love Mummy' (yes, I know I shouldn't know that!). Patrick Constable is the guitarist and their drum machine took the beat duties for the first half of SC's set. The second half and a proper drummer was used, but as with Alice And The Enemies no bassist. Martin took the part of an early Marc Almond, wearing black leggings, pointy boots, waistcoat and eyeliner. He spent a lot of the time off stage walking into the audience. He was singing into the face of all the burley looking men. Luckily, the mic lead didn't stretch as far as me (your going to have to invest in a radio mic, Martin!). As I said at the top of this review. SC do sound very much like Suicide, Alien Sex Fiend and Public Image Ltd. For the last song - something about someone coming down the road - I also detected a bit of Velvet Underground. I know this art terrorism thing has to be shocking but it will be interesting to see how long it takes before SC either change their name or go on to different projects. Me, I'm off to catch last orders before my bus home

Sorted

Ric